Relationship – to each other, to animals, to patches of sunlight, to snow, to trees, to our desk and the computer atop it, to parents, to coffee makers, to practice, to everything there is – relationships comprise the foundation of our lives. To cultivate relationships is to cultivate our lives. To deepen relationships is to recognize our capacity to deepen our understanding of ourselves.
I have come to understand how you truly cannot describe anything without talking about relationship – almost entirely through the teachings of Michael Stone and the investigations of my own life he has encouraged. Then I attended David Life’s yearly class in New York City on January 3rd. And in that way the universe has – the teaching was once again brought to the fore front. Or as Davidji said:
“Yoga is the perfection of relationship”
Entering a new session of Satsang (Thursday nights have been scheduled all the way through July!) – I was excited by the message. It also made me think – what are the qualities of relationship, exactly, that we’re working on? A list to get started with:
~ Listening to where someone is coming from as the heart of conversation
~ Giving your attention whole-heartedly
~ Nonharming honesty
~ Responding instead of reacting
~ Residing in Namaste – seeing a person beyond their “stuff” – allowing yourself to be seen
~ Creating a space where there is no good/bad
~ Being aware of the perceptions and conditioning you are automatically putting on the situation
~ Empathy instead of sympathy
~ Dedication to mutually beneficial relationships
None of these, I think, are new for us. We work with these lessons from our yoga practice all the time – or try to, and fail, and try again, and fall, and try again, and gain a bit of ground, etc. The unique aspect of Satsang, is that you’re trying this WITH another yogi. Almost all the time we bring our practices into our lives with nonyogis. While not exclusive to yogis, the following are benefits to practicing in relationship with yogis:
1) Accountability: Similar to meditation, sitting with a group inspires your posture, how long you stay sitting, and even the stillness within. Practicing relationship with yogis inspires us to stick with the work, to say the difficult thing, to not chicken out trying a new way of listening that is completely counter to the way we’ve been conditioned to over the years, or waiting until “next time”, or however else we let our habits slide when not held accountable to anyone other than ourselves.
2) Mirrors: Yogis make excellent mirrors of each other – Right in the moment, we can see how another yogi responds to the same situation. It’s inspiring, and it’s a great encouragement. One of the recent teachings I received was from watching the way another yogi looked me in the eyes whole-heartedly when I offered her a hot cup of water to warm her cold hands. I saw how I was able to be in the moment enough to respond to her need, but when it came time for me to socially accept her deep thanks, i reverted to my introverted deflection and scurried away.
3) Sharing: Other yogis are WITH you – they get how important this work is. They’re interested and intrigued by what you’ve been working on or thinking about. They want to know more about that meditation technique you learned, or that article you read, or what happened when you tried this with your coworker.
“It is not our purpose to become each other; it is to recognize each other, to learn to see the other and honor him for what he is.” – Hermann Hesse
Whether it’s in one of the monthly Satsangs at Mala, or with your own group of yogis, or non-affiliated practitioners – take the time this year to make relationship your practice.